Snot

My eyes are itchy, my nose is bunged up and I’m forever sneezing. Don’t get me wrong – I love summer. I’m just sick of hay-fever. Judging by the amount of red eyes and sniffing everyone in the office is also suffering.

The weather forecast last night reported that there would be even higher pollen counts. I’ve stockpiled a load of nose spray. I’ll be fine.

Another day over, another bucket of snot. The office was half empty today. Several called in sick, but some we didn’t hear from. They didn’t reply to their emails either.

When I got home I had a crazy sneezing fit. I hawked up a great glob of snot. That was not bad. What was bad was the creature squirming inside. It looked like a foetus or a shrimp. I flushed it down the toilet before puking. Maybe I was mistaken. I mean, that makes no sense, right? My skin still crawls thinking about it.

Waking up this morning, I couldn’t breathe. My nose was totally blocked. I didn’t sleep well either. Dreams of that snot-thing kept waking me. I tried to call in sick, but no-one picked up so I just sent an email.

I sneezed out another one of those things. Don’t ask me why, but I’ve put it in a jar. I guess I wanted to prove I’m not going crazy. The thing flopped about pathetically until I filled the jar with water. Now it’s swimming around. It looks a bit like one of those sea monkeys. You know, the ones that look cute on the picture but are just fleas or something? I wonder if I should feed it. It comes to the jar wall when I tap it.

The weather forecast says the pollen count tomorrow is going to reach record levels. I’ve ran out of nose-spray, and my nose is locked solid with mucus. Every time I blow it another creature slithers out. I know it’s not normal but that’s what happens. I’ve been putting them in the jar with the first one but it eats them, growing rapidly. As it grows “it” is becoming a “she”, and she is beautiful.

This morning I was woken by a smashing sound. She had somehow fallen off the shelf, shattering her jar. As I came into the kitchen she sat in a puddle of broken glass and water, pleading at me with those gorgeous eyes.

There was no weather forecast today, only static from the radio. I’ve not seen or heard from anyone in a while. It’s just her and me. She continues to grow so I’ve moved her into the bath. When I touch the water, she sends visions of a place that is not on Earth. It’s the most beautiful, relaxing place I’ve ever seen. Unknown stars swirl in an indigo sky and all around is warm blue water. It’s just her and me forever.

She keeps inviting me to get into the bath. Tonight I’ll join her.

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